The Laws of Aveilus
A Practical Handbook According to the Chabad Custom
Mourners Guide · Website Review 1.1.5ספר הלכות אבלות
THE LAWS OF AVEILUS
A Practical Handbook According to the Chabad Custom
By Rabbi Moshe Muller, ז"ל Rabbi Nisson Dovid Dubov
Part I — Original Handbook
By Rabbi Moshe Muller, ז"ל & Rabbi Nisson Dovid Dubov
Part II — Practical Community Guide
Compiled and Edited by Avi Cohen Based on the original handbook by Rabbi Moshe Muller and Rabbi Nisson Dovid Dubov
Presented by ACHDUS.COM as a Community Resource
HOW TO USE THIS GUIDE
- Chronological Arrangement: This handbook is arranged chronologically according to the natural progression of events. Begin with the specific chapter that corresponds to where you currently are in the mourning process.
- Emotional Orientation Boxes: Each chapter features a "You Are Here" orientation box at the threshold to assist readers in tracking their transition through each phase of mourning.
- Immediate Guidance: Practical summaries and action lists highlight the immediate, necessary steps most people need to take during moments of high stress.
- Practical Distinction: The companion materials and appendices in Part II provide additional operational guidance for families and communities; they are compiled and edited by Avi Cohen based upon the original authors' foundational work.
- Halachic Authority: This handbook serves as an immediate practical reference. Questions involving any area of doubt, complexity, or uncertainty must always be referred directly to a competent Rav.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
| Section | Page |
|---|---|
| Part I — Original Handbook | |
| Foreword & Editorial Note | 4 |
| Chapter 1. Vidui and the Goses | 5 |
| Chapter 2. Aninus | 8 |
| Chapter 3. Keriah | 10 |
| Chapter 4. Delaying Burial | 11 |
| Chapter 5. The Funeral | 12 |
| Part II — Practical Community Guide | |
| Appendix A — Tumah for a Kohen | 14 |
| Appendix B — "Who Should I Call?" Emergency Contacts | 17 |
| Appendix C — Glossary of Terms | 18 |
| Appendix D — Alphabetical Index | 19 |
גלעד זכרון
Dedicated in Loving Memory of
RABBI MOSHE MULLER
Who built the foundations of this guide to serve the community in times of need.
תנצב״ה
Foreword & Editorial Note
This work is designed strictly as a practical handbook, not an encyclopedic sefer. Its sole objective is to provide clear, immediate, and actionable halachic guidance for members of the Chabad Lubavitch community facing bereavement. Every effort has been made to preserve the exact voice, intent, and structure laid out by the authors. This edition is being carefully reviewed and completed using the primary authorities they relied upon: Sefer HaMinhagim (Chabad), Shaarei Halachah U'Minhag, Darkei Chessed, and Sefer Nitei Gavriel.
Part II consists of a practical community guide compiled and edited by Avi Cohen for the Achdus Community, built explicitly upon the original foundational manuscript of Rabbi Moshe Muller, ז"ל and Rabbi Nisson Dovid Dubov without altering their sacred text.
PART I — ORIGINAL HANDBOOK
CHAPTER 1. VIDUI AND THE GOSES
YOU ARE HERE:
- [ ] Person is near death
- [ ] Person has just passed away
- [ ] Waiting for burial
- [ ] Funeral
- [ ] Shiva
- [ ] Shloshim
- [ ] Yahrtzeit
- It is of great merit that a person should repent before dying. Therefore it is correct to say Vidui with a person who is close to death. The person should be told that many said Vidui and lived, and many died without saying Vidui, and in the merit of saying Vidui the person will live. A person who says Vidui has a place in the World to Come. If the sick person cannot say Vidui, he should say it in his heart. It is also correct that he should bless his children and ask forgiveness from any person against whom he has sinned.
- The text of Vidui is as follows: "May it be Your Will that I be fully healed, and if I die my death should be an atonement for all my sins, iniquities and transgressions. Grant me a portion in the Garden of Eden that I merit the World to Come that is stored for the righteous."
- When a sick person enters the stage where death is imminent they are called a Goses. This stage can be recognised usually by the change of rhythm of breathing. At this stage moving any part of the body could bring death closer. Therefore: a) One should not lift or lower the head, b) One may not shake any part of the body, c) one may not take the pulse or blood pressure unnecessarily at this stage, d) one may not stroke the forehead of the Goses, and certainly not close his eyes, e) no food or drink may be given orally at this stage as it may cause the Goses to choke, f) oxygen may be given to ease the breathing and suction apparatus to suck up saliva may be put in place as this may alleviate discomfort and lengthen life, however care should be taken to avoid movement of the head. In the last moments, even this (section f) may not be done.
- It must be noted that in this final stage one is not obligated to initiate medical procedures that aim to lengthen life, e.g. giving injections, however one may not remove any existing life sustaining apparatus.
- Euthanasia is strictly forbidden. One may not turn off a life support machine or prescribe medicine which will accelerate death. This applies even if the dying person is in great pain and requests that his life be terminated. Medical professionals who wish to end the life of a patient by performing a "mercy killing" must be prevented from doing so. It is G-d who gives life and G-d who takes it away. A human being may not interfere with the Divine plan even if it seems that the Goses has no quality of life or that it would be merciful to end their life.
- Death is defined as the total cessation of breathing. In the final stages, the intervals between breaths are longer. The Goses should only be pronounced dead when it is absolutely clear that there is total cessation of any respiratory activity. If a person has artificially been kept alive by a life support machine, a competent halachic authority must be consulted for guidance.
- The Customary Twenty-Minute Waiting Period: It has become customary to wait for twenty minutes after the last breath just to be absolutely sure that death has occurred. One may not touch the body during these twenty minutes. It is customary to place a feather under the nose to test whether or not breathing is taking place.
- It is prohibited to begin any preparations for burial or the funeral before death has occurred. This is the case even if the doctors have said that the patient is in his last moments.
- One may not remove an organ from a body until death has occurred. A competent halachic authority must be consulted as to ascertain the moment of death and as to when it is permitted to donate an organ.
- A Goses should not be left alone, even for a Mitzvah e.g. Davening, and it is of great merit to be with the patient at the moment of death, since the soul is very perturbed at the moment of death. It is a satisfaction for the dying person to have their children and other relatives present when the Neshamah (Soul) leaves the body. If possible a minyan should be present. Those present should not engage in idle chatter rather they should recite Tehillim and if possible speak words of Torah to the Goses.
- When death seems imminent one should say:
- Once: Shema Yisroel...
- Three times: Boruch shem...
- Seven times: Hashem hu hoelokim
- Once: Hashem melech Hashem malach Hashem yimloch leolam vaed
- Relatives who cannot control themselves crying should preferably not be in the room for this causes pain to the Goses. Those in the room should be aware that unless the Goses is unconscious the Goses can hear what is being said until the last moment and therefore nothing should be said that may upset the Goses. At the moment of death those present should say Shema together with the Goses, and after the death they should say Tziduk Hadin:
בָּרוּךְ דַּיַּן הָאֱמֶת ("Baruch Dayan HaEmes.") Strictly halachically speaking, all present at the time of death should rend their garments, however today, this is not the practice.
After Death
- One waits 20 minutes after the last breath so as to be 100% sure that death has taken place. During these 20 minutes one must not touch the body.
- The custom is to pour out any uncovered water that was in the vicinity where the person passed away. This extends to two houses away. Water in closed bottles need not be poured out, though following the Nitei Gavriel, if the stopper is in well, one does not need to pour it out. Some people are particular to let the tap run a little.
- Water mixed with other ingredients e.g. soda, does not need to be poured out.
- The main prohibition is to drink the water, however other work done with water e.g. washing, Netilas Yadayim etc is permitted with such water.
- As soon as death has taken place, one should call the local Chevra Kadisha (even before the end of the 20 minutes). If it is Shabbos or Yom Tov, they must still be notified by having a non-Jew make the call, as one must not be Mechallel Shabbos for that.
- A death certificate needs to be issued by the Doctor of the patient before the burial can take place.
- It is essential to get in touch with a burial organization as soon as possible, as one should endeavour to arrange burial to take place as early as possible.
- It is customary, that the deceased requires Shmirah, i.e. people who will stay with the body until burial.
- It is correct that the Shomrim recite Tehillim. The mourners may also recite Tehillim if they are the Shomrim (even though they are Onenim and prohibited to learn Torah.)
- There should preferably be at least two Shomrim attending to the deceased so that even if one had to leave for some reason, the other would remain and not leave the deceased alone. The Shmirah must also be done on Shabbos.
- The Shomrim should conduct themselves in a dignified manner and not joke or be frivolous in front of the deceased. They may not eat or drink in front of the deceased (without a partition).
Uniform spacing maintained before the original sources section.
Primary Sources
Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh Deah 338:1-2, 339:1; Rema ibid.; Shach 339:5; Shulchan Aruch, Orach Chaim 329:4; Alter Rebbe's Shulchan Aruch, Orach Chaim 71; Sefer HaMinhagim (Chabad); Shaarei Halachah U'Minhag, Vol. 3, p. 355; Sefer Nitei Gavriel: Aveilus, Vol. 1, Ch. 1-4; Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 194:4.
CHAPTER 2. ANINUS
YOU ARE HERE:
- [ ] Person is near death
- [ ] Person has just passed away
- [x] Waiting for burial
- [ ] Funeral
- [ ] Shiva
- [ ] Shloshim
- [ ] Yahrtzeit
- When the matriarch Rochel died in childbirth, she called her child Ben-Oni, and Yaakov called the child Binyomin. Oni means "my affliction" and from here comes the word Onen which means an afflicted one. From death until burial mourners are called Onenim and certain halachos apply specifically to an Onen.
- An Onen is exempt from all positive commandments such as; reading the Shema, Tefillah, Tefillin, studying Torah (with the exception of the laws of Aveilus). If the deceased has been passed over to the Chevra Kadisha and one is no longer Torud - busy with the preparations then one is exempt from the above.
- An Onen may not be part of a minyan however he may answer Amen, Kedushah and Barchu. Some say that he can't even answer Amen.
- An Onen may not eat meat or drink wine. He does not make a Bracha on food, neither before, or after, however he does require Netilas Yadayim without a bracha if he is going to eat bread and obligated to say Birchat Hamazon. Even so, he should only eat what is necessary.
- An Onen does not recite the Bracha Asher Yatzar after going to the toilet.
- An Onen is prohibited; to wash (even with cold water), say Sholom Aleichem to others, take a haircut or do any work.
- It is customary that an Onen who has a business should sell the business to one of his friends before the burial however one should consult with a Rav.
- In our times when the Chevra Kadisha deals with the deceased, then if the deceased has already been given over to their care and a relative lives in another town then there is no din of Aninus until the deceased arrives there. However he should not lay Tefillin.
- An Onen is permitted to go to Shul to recite Kaddish for that is considered an honour for the deceased in particular if the deceased has already been given over to the Chevra Kadisha.
- Sefardim have the custom not to say Kaddish before the burial, however in Eretz Yisroel the custom is to say *Kaddish before burial.
- Editorial Chabad Custom Note: According to Chabad custom, the public recitation of Mourner's Kaddish (Kaddish Yasom) by the sons begins at the cemetery only after the burial is completed. For a parent, Kaddish is then recited for eleven months, concluding exactly one month before the first Yahrtzeit.
- After the burial the mourner should say Shema and pray unless the time has passed. However he should not say Birchos Hashachar for that would be a Bracha Levatolah.
- If burial is taking place in another country, a competent Rabbi should be consulted as to when Aninus ends.
- An Onen may wear leather shoes until after the burial. He may sit on a chair, but not when eating.
- Chabad Custom Note on Tefillin: According to Chabad custom (Minhag Chabad), an Ovel does not wear Tefillin on the first day of Aveilus before the funeral. However, immediately following the conclusion of the burial, the Ovel puts on both Rashi and Rabbeinu Tam Tefillin (provided it is daytime after sunrise), strictly without reciting a blessing (Bracha).
- If the person died at night, the Ovel should not put them on the next day.
- A distant family member who hears of the death within the Shloshim may not lay Tefillin on the day he hears of the news, for the day he hears is considered like the day of burial.
Aninus on Shabbos and Yom Tov
- If the person died on Shabbos or Yom Tov there is no Aninus or Aveilus on Shabbos and he prays as usual and makes Brachos on food, and may eat meat and drink wine. He also is Maavir Sedra.
- On Motzei Shabbos he should pray Maariv close to nightfall and make Havdallah. Other customs are to make Havdallah after the funeral without Besamim and a candle.
- An Onen on Seder Night reads the Haggadah, eats meat and wine, but does not lean, although some say that he too should lean.
- The laws of Aninus apply on Chol Hamoed as on an ordinary weekday. The meal of Havorah (first meal after burial) is served by neighbours, but the mourners sit on regular chairs.
- On Simchas Torah it is questionable whether he may go round the Bimah with a Sefer Torah, however all agree that he may not participate in the dancing.
- On Sukkos an Onen should eat in the Sukkah.
- On Chanukah an Onen who is married should not light himself rather his wife should light. A single man may light himself without a Bracha in order to publicise the miracle.
- On Chol Hamoed all the laws of Aveilus apply like on a regular weekday, but public mourning is omitted.
- On Purim the Onen goes to Shul to hear the Megillah. If the burial takes place at night the Onen should pray and hear the Megillah after the burial if not he must say Shema, Tefillah and Megillah but no meat and wine however lechatchila he must hear Megillah from another. If burial is on the 14th he should hear the Megillah again after the burial. An Onen on Purim is permitted to drink wine and eat meat and say the Brachos.
Uniform spacing maintained before the original sources section.
Primary Sources
Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh Deah 341, 388:1, 400; Alter Rebbe's Shulchan Aruch, Orach Chaim 71:1, 244; Sefer HaMinhagim (Chabad); Shaarei Halachah U'Minhag, Vol. 5, p. 5; Sefer Nitei Gavriel: Aveilus, Vol. 1, Ch. 10, 14, 20, 103; Darkei Chessed, p. 34; Sdei Chemed, Aninus 15.
CHAPTER 3 — KERIAH
YOU ARE HERE:
- [ ] Person is near death
- [ ] Person has just passed away
- [ ] Waiting for burial
- [x] Funeral
- [ ] Shiva / Yahrtzeit
- [ ] Shloshim
- The following relatives are obligated to mourn the deceased: father, mother, brother, sister, son, daughter, spouse.
- These relatives are obligated to rend their garments as a sign of mourning this is called Keriah. The Keriah must be done standing and must be in the length of the garment not in the breadth.
- Keriah is done just before burial.
- The tear must be made toward the neck at the front (not at the rear) and must be at least 8cm long. The custom is that someone starts the Keriah with a knife or scissors and the Ovel continues the tear with his/her hands.
- For one's parents, the tear needs to bare the heart, i.e. one needs to tear all garments, whereas over other relatives one needs only to tear the upper garment.
- The Jacket needs to be torn but not an overcoat or a Tzitzis.
- It is permitted to change one's clothing for the Keriah, i.e. if one is wearing an expensive jacket at the time of death one may change into an inexpensive jacket for the Keriah.
- Over parents, Keriah is made on the left side and over other relatives on the right side.
- Before making the tear, one makes the Bracha:
בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה ה' אֱלֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם דַּיַּן הָאֱמֶת ("Boruch Ata... Dayan HaEmes.")
- When mourning over parents, if the Ovel changes clothing during the Shiva then Keriah needs to be done on the new item of clothing.
- Women are obligated to tear Keriah, however, they are permitted to sew a few stitches or use a safety pin to hold the tear together for tznius considerations.
- One tears Keriah for a child mourner who has reached the age of chinuch to educate them in mourning, and for younger children it is done out of agmas nefesh (grief) to stir the hearts of those present.
- When a burial takes place on Chol Hamoed, the Keriah over parents is performed immediately before the burial, whereas for other relatives it is delayed until after Chol Hamoed has concluded.
Uniform spacing maintained before the original sources section.
Primary Sources
Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh Deah 340:1-39; Sefer HaMinhagim (Chabad); Sefer Nitei Gavriel: Aveilus, Vol. 1, Ch. 35-42; Darkei Chessed, Ch. 7.
CHAPTER 4 — DELAYING BURIAL
YOU ARE HERE:
- [ ] Person is near death
- [ ] Person has just passed away
- [x] Waiting for burial
- [ ] Funeral
- [ ] Shiva / Yahrtzeit
- [ ] Shloshim
- One should try and bury the deceased as quickly as possible since delaying the burial causes pain to the deceased. It is prohibited unnecessarily to delay the burial overnight, rather one is obligated to bury on the day of death. The Biblical source for this is the verse from Devarim 21:23:
לֹא תָלִין נִבְלָתוֹ עַל הָעֵץ ("You shall not leave his body overnight on the gallows.")
- It is permitted to delay the burial in order to honour the deceased, e.g. in order that family members should arrive for the funeral or those making a eulogy should arrive on time. In Jerusalem the custom is not to delay the burial overnight in any circumstance.
- In practice, one should delay a burial for children to attend a funeral but not other relatives.
Uniform spacing maintained before the original sources section.
Primary Sources
Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh Deah 357:1-2; Toras Menachem, Vol. 43, p. 122; Sefer Nitei Gavriel: Aveilus, Vol. 1, Ch. 48.
CHAPTER 5 — THE FUNERAL
YOU ARE HERE:
- [ ] Person is near death
- [ ] Person has just passed away
- [ ] Waiting for burial
- [x] Funeral
- [ ] Shiva / Yahrtzeit
- [ ] Shloshim
- It is a great mitzvah to accompany the dead to their final resting place.
- If there is a deceased in a city, it is a mitzvah on all those in the city to attend the funeral. This applies only in a small town but not in a large city.
- In non-Chabad communities, it is customary to say Kaddish before the levayah, but this is not the practice in Chabad.
- Before the levayah one should give a few coins to Tzedakah and say "Tzedakah Tatzil Mimoves" (Charity saves from death).
- One should accompany the deceased at least 4 cubits, and one who sees a funeral and does not accompany the dead, has progressed the prohibition of loeg lorosh (mocking the poor/helpless). It is customary to accompany the coffin until it disappears from sight or they take it into the car. If a person did not see the funeral but just heard it over a loudspeaker there is no kepaida (strict concern).
- If a person cannot attend the funeral or if they merely see a funeral whilst passing on public transport, it is correct that they say a chapter of Tehillim in merit of the deceased or they should give charity in the deceased merit.
- One should ideally walk after the coffin and not before it.
- Upright burials are permitted as mentioned in the Talmud.
- If a person is in a car and sees a funeral it is correct to stop the car and walk 4 cubits after the deceased. If this is not possible they should at least stop the car until the funeral passes.
- Following the filling of the grave, Mourner’s Kaddish (Kaddish Yasom) is recited at the cemetery.
- On a day that Tachanun is not said, Tziduk Hadin is not recited.
- One should not ask after a person's welfare at the time of a funeral.
- A man should cover or tuck in his Tzitzis.
- Great care should be taken that men and women not mingle at the time of a funeral, and there is a danger involved if they do so. Due to this, it is a custom in many places that women do not attend funerals at all. Today the custom is that women do attend a funeral procession, however there is still the custom in some places that women do not attend the cemetery.
- The Chabad custom is that sons and daughters and grandchildren do not follow the coffin at the funeral of parents.
- The Chabad custom is that eulogies are not made at the funeral.
- A mourner may not wear leather shoes for the entire Shiva. This prohibition commences immediately after the funeral has concluded after the earth has been filled, but still at the grave site before they make the Shurah (the two parallel lines). Therefore arrangements should be made that non-leather shoes be available after the funeral. Some are lenient to wear shoes until the mourner gets home, however even according to this leniency, it would be praiseworthy to place a little earth in the shoes.
- After Kaddish, the men form a Shurah (two parallel lines). The mourner/s pass between them and the people comfort them by saying: "Hamokom Yenachem Eschem..." A Shurah is not formed for woman mourners.
- The mourner is now obligated again to do all mitzvos like anyone else.
- If the burial took place before mid-day, the mourner would have to daven Shacharis. If by the time he would arrive home he would miss the deadline for Shema and/or Davening, he should do it in the hall at the cemetery without Tefillin.
- When leaving the cemetery one should leave in a different direction than they came.
- When one leaves the cemetery, it is customary to tear off some grass and some soil, and throw it back over your left shoulder and say: V'yatzitzu Mayir K'eisev... One washes the hands three times, i.e. alternatively the right and left, preferably with a cup. If this was not done at the cemetery one should wash their hands before entering one's house.
- If someone has been buried without a Taharah, due to reasons beyond control, then when another person is being buried later who receives a Taharah, one should give Tzedakah in their merit and ask that the benefit of that dynamic extend to them as well.
Uniform spacing maintained before the original sources section.
Primary Sources
Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh Deah 343, 358, 361, 376; Sefer HaMinhagim (Chabad); Igros Kodesh, Vol. 11, p. 367; Sefer Nitei Gavriel: Aveilus, Vol. 1, Ch. 52-68; Darkei Chessed, Ch. 11-14.
PART II — PRACTICAL COMMUNITY GUIDE
Compiled and Edited by Avi Cohen. This is an independent continuation of Part I and does not imply review or endorsement by its original authors.
UNDER CONSTRUCTION — WORKING DRAFT — HALACHIC VERIFICATION PENDING. The material below is an editorial working version and requires source verification and rabbinical review before publication as a completed halachic guide.
CHAPTER 6 — Shiva — The First Seven Days
6.1 · Who Observes Shiva?
Shiva is observed for a father, mother, son, daughter, brother, sister, or spouse. Both men and women observe the applicable laws of Aveilus. For the original discussion of relatives obligated in mourning and Keriah, see Part I, Chapter 3 — Keriah. The requirements concerning minors will be developed after source verification and rabbinical review.
6.2 · Preparing the Shiva Home
Whenever possible, relatives, friends, or volunteers should prepare the Shiva home before the mourners return. Arrange low seating, the Shiva candle, covered mirrors according to custom, Seudas Havra’ah, Siddurim, Tehillim, Seforim, a Tzedakah pushka, Minyan schedules, meals, and visitor coordination. The mourners should not have to manage these arrangements. Specific Chabad requirements will be documented following verification.
6.3 · Returning Home After Burial
The original handbook explains the transition from Aninus to Aveilus, obligations that resume following burial, and customs observed on leaving the cemetery. See Part I, Chapter 2 — Aninus and Part I, Chapter 5 — The Funeral. On arrival at the Shiva home, help the mourners settle in without organizational burdens. The first meal is discussed next.
6.4 · Seudas Havra’ah — The First Meal
The first meal following burial is known as Seudas Havra’ah. It is traditionally provided by others, rather than prepared by the mourners. Friends or neighbors should arrange it respectfully. Part I also discusses Seudas Havra’ah in the context of Chol Hamoed: Part I, Chapter 2 — Aninus. Customary foods and precise requirements await verification.
6.5 · Daily Routine During Shiva
Where possible, arrange Shacharis, Mincha, and Maariv with a Minyan. A qualified male mourner of Bar Mitzvah age should endeavor to serve as Shliach Tzibbur for weekday prayers, subject to the relevant customs. During the mourning year, the mourner does not lead Shabbos or Yom Tov services according to the practice described here. For ongoing Kaddish and leading prayers, see Part II, Chapter 8 — The Mourning Year. Restrictions concerning Torah study will be detailed following verification.
6.6 · Restrictions During Shiva
Shiva includes laws concerning seating and footwear, bathing and grooming, haircuts, laundry, work and business, celebrations, Torah study, marital relations, and greetings. Part I addresses certain restrictions that begin after burial, including footwear: Part I, Chapter 5 — The Funeral. This is not a complete halachic checklist. Practical exceptions and Chabad-specific rules require source verification and rabbinical review.
6.7 · Nichum Aveilim — Comforting the Mourners
Visiting mourners is an important mitzvah. Visits should offer comfort, companionship, and support, guided by what the mourner needs. Visitors may share positive memories or simply sit quietly. Avoid intrusive questions, speculation, minimizing the loss, or turning the Shiva home into a social gathering. A practice of gently initiating conversation in Chabad settings has been identified, but its precise source and application require verification. When departing, it is customary to say: הַמָּקוֹם יְנַחֵם אֶתְכֶם בְּתוֹךְ שְׁאָר אֲבֵלֵי צִיּוֹן וִירוּשָׁלָיִם. — Hamakom yenachem eschem b'soch she'ar aveilei Tzion viYerushalayim. — “May the Omnipresent comfort you among the other mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.” This is the plural form; a singular form may be used where appropriate. The original handbook discusses the phrase in the cemetery Shurah: Part I, Chapter 5 — The Funeral. Practical assistance with meals, errands, and transportation can be especially meaningful.
6.8 · Tzedakah During Shiva
Tzedakah in memory of the deceased is a meaningful mitzvah that may bring merit to the Neshamah. A pushka may be available for voluntary contributions. Families should never feel pressured to make financial commitments. Continuing memorial practices are addressed in Chapters 7–9.
6.9 · Shabbos During Shiva
Shabbos counts toward Shiva, but public expressions of mourning are generally suspended. Shabbos does not ordinarily terminate Shiva. The specific Chabad customs and halachic requirements concerning clothing, seating, synagogue attendance, greetings, and other practices during Shabbos will be developed in the final edition, following source verification and rabbinical review.
6.10 · Yom Tov During Shiva
Certain major festivals may conclude Shiva early when the applicable conditions are met. Shabbos, Chanukah, and Purim do not terminate Shiva in the same manner. Timing of death, burial, and festivals can affect Shiva and Shloshim calculations. For Aninus on Shabbos and Yom Tov, see Part I, Chapter 2 — Aninus; for timely burial, see Part I, Chapter 4 — Delaying Burial. Detailed Yom Tov burial rules, including first day, second day, and Chol Hamoed, need a separately verified treatment; Kitzur Shulchan Aruch Siman 200:1–2 is identified for review. When a festival shortens Shiva according to halachah, the mourner has not failed to observe mourning.
6.11 · Getting Up from Shiva
The principle of Miktzas Hayom K’Kulo generally applies on the seventh day. The precise timing, requirements, exceptions, and sources will be provided following verification. A reported Chabad custom involving hammering a nail at the conclusion of Shiva will be addressed once its source, significance, and procedure have been confirmed by authoritative Chabad references and rabbinical review.
CHAPTER 7 — Shloshim — The First Thirty Days
7.1 · Understanding Shloshim
Shloshim is the thirty-day mourning period generally calculated from burial, subject to festival exceptions. For relatives other than a parent, the principal mourning restrictions generally conclude at Shloshim. For a parent, additional restrictions continue for twelve months.
7.2 · Restrictions During Shloshim
Certain restrictions continue beyond Shiva, including those concerning haircuts, shaving, and celebrations. The exact requirements depend on the mourner’s relationship to the deceased and the circumstances. Verified Chabad rules and exceptions will be added.
7.3 · Learning and Mitzvos for the Neshamah
After passing, a person can no longer perform new mitzvos in this world. The living may honor the deceased through Torah learning, Tzedakah, and other mitzvos in their memory, bringing merit to the Neshamah.
7.4 · Tehillim During Shloshim
Family and friends may recite Tehillim L’Ilui Nishmas the deceased, individually or through coordinated communal participation. Specific Chabad chapters and dedications await source verification.
7.5 · Organizing the Study of Mishnayos
The words Mishnah (משנה) and Neshamah (נשמה) share the same Hebrew letters, a connection often associated with memorial study. The six orders are Zeraim (זרעים), Moed (מועד), Nashim (נשים), Nezikin (נזיקין), Kodashim (קדשים), and Taharos (טהרות). Participants may divide Masechtos or Sedarim; a coordinator can record assignments and completion.
7.6 · Completing the Mishnayos
If the community undertakes to complete all six orders, the coordinator should verify each assigned portion before announcing a Siyum. Unfinished portions can be reassigned. Do not represent the learning as complete before it has actually been finished.
7.7 · Siyum Mishnayos and Seudas Shloshim
A Siyum may be arranged upon completion of the designated Mishnayos learning. Families may also organize a respectful meal associated with the conclusion of Shloshim. Such a gathering is not necessarily required on the exact thirtieth day. Applicable customs, festival timing, and sources await verification.
7.8 · Tzedakah During Shloshim
Tzedakah may continue in memory of the deceased, including support for Torah institutions and worthy causes. The amount should reflect the family’s means and should never create pressure.
7.9 · Conclusion of Shloshim
At Shloshim the applicable restrictions change according to the relationship to the deceased. The twelve-month period continues for those mourning a parent. Festival-related calculations require individual review and will be illustrated with verified examples.
CHAPTER 8 — The Mourning Year and Kaddish
8.1 · The Stages of Mourning
The stages include Aninus, Shiva, Shloshim, the customary eleven-month Kaddish for a parent, twelve-month Aveilus for a parent, and annual Yahrtzeit. For the original discussion of Aninus, see Part I, Chapter 2 — Aninus.
8.2 · Leading the Davening During the Mourning Year
A qualified male mourner of Bar Mitzvah age should endeavor to lead weekday Shacharis, Mincha, and Maariv, according to the applicable Chabad practice and rules of precedence. The mourner does not lead Shabbos or Yom Tov davening during the year according to the practice described here. No one should feel pressured to lead if unqualified. Exact rules and exceptions await verification.
8.3 · Aliyos, Maftir, and Haftorah
A mourner may seek appropriate Aliyos and, where capable and permitted, Maftir and personal recitation of the Haftorah on Shabbos for a parent. Synagogue precedence and the relevant customs apply. An ordinary Aliyah does not require the recipient to read the Torah portion. Specific Chabad rules await verification.
8.4 · Recitation of Kaddish
Kaddish sanctifies Hashem’s Name and is associated with merit for the Neshamah. Mourner’s Kaddish requires a Minyan. For a parent it is customarily recited for eleven months, not the full twelve-month mourning period. The original handbook discusses the start of Kaddish after burial: Part I, Chapter 2 — Aninus and Part I, Chapter 5 — The Funeral. The exact eleven-month calculation requires verification.
8.5 · When a Mourner Cannot Attend Every Minyan
If attendance at all three daily Minyanim is not possible, arrangements may be made for another person to recite Kaddish. In some circumstances another mourner may include the deceased in his intention. Exact requirements will be clarified after rabbinical review.
8.6 · Arranging for Someone Else to Say Kaddish
Shuls, Yeshivos, and charitable organizations may help arrange Kaddish. Confirm the Hebrew name, relevant dates, duration, responsibility, and recitation with a valid Minyan. Donations may be requested, but families should not feel pressured. Women’s participation and alternative arrangements should be addressed with a Rav familiar with the relevant customs.
8.7 · Multiple Mourners Saying Kaddish Together
When several mourners say Kaddish together, they should endeavor to begin together, keep a coordinated pace, and pause together, so the congregation can respond properly. Kaddish should not become a race. Exact communal customs will be documented after verification.
8.8 · A Chabad Custom Associated with Kaddish and Tehillim
A reported practice involves passing the hand across the forehead and silently reciting a Tanya-associated passage before concluding Kaddish following Tehillim. The exact text, gesture, and source have not been verified. No specific procedure is prescribed until they are confirmed.
8.9 · Restrictions During the Twelve-Month Mourning Period
Mourning for a parent may involve continuing restrictions on weddings, celebrations, music, dancing, and festive gatherings. Exact requirements and exceptions will be provided after Chabad source verification.
8.10 · Weddings and Other Family Celebrations
Significant family occasions during the mourning year can be emotionally difficult. Certain accommodations may be possible, but a mourner should not assume that family importance automatically permits attendance. Consult a qualified Rav.
8.11 · Assisting at a Celebration
A Rav may in some circumstances permit a mourner to assist with serving or practical arrangements instead of attending as an ordinary guest. This is not automatic; the role, event, relationship, and relevant customs all matter.
8.12 · Live Music at a Celebration
Even when assistance at an event is permitted, live music may present a separate concern, and the mourner may need to leave that area. Recorded music and dancing raise additional questions. Permission to assist is not blanket permission to participate.
8.13 · Seeking Halachic Guidance
Questions about celebrations, work, family responsibilities, and mourning exceptions should be brought to a qualified Rav familiar with Chabad customs.
CHAPTER 9 — Yahrtzeit and Continuing Remembrance
9.1 · Understanding the Yahrtzeit
The Yahrtzeit is the anniversary of passing on the Hebrew calendar. Leap years and months of varying length may complicate the date. Confirm the correct date and customs with a Rav. Practical examples will be provided after verification.
9.2 · Observing the Yahrtzeit
Observances may include Kaddish, Tefillah, a memorial candle, Torah or Mishnayos study, Tehillim, and Tzedakah. Specific Chabad customs concerning synagogue honors, cemetery visits, and related practices will be documented following verification.
9.3 · Tzedakah in Memory of the Deceased
Tzedakah on a Yahrtzeit or at other times is a meaningful memorial mitzvah. Donations should suit the giver’s circumstances and never create financial hardship.
9.4 · Dedicating a Sefer Torah
Some families commission or dedicate a Sefer Torah in memory of a loved one. This is not an obligation imposed on bereaved families. Participation in a communal dedication or other Torah and Tzedakah projects may be meaningful alternatives. Hachnasas Sefer Torah arrangements should follow applicable halachos.
9.5 · Continuing the Legacy
Torah, Tefillah, Tzedakah, and acts of kindness can honor a loved one for many years beyond the mourning year. Families may undertake meaningful learning or mitzvah projects that reflect the deceased’s values.
APPENDIX A — TUMAH FOR A KOHEN
PRACTICAL NOTICE & RABBINIC CAUTION:
The community parameters laid out in this appendix regarding hospital layouts, medical structures, and commercial aviation options serve strictly as a practical warning for general situational awareness. Because physical layouts, ventilation styles, and commercial schedules vary widely, these guidelines are advisory rather than textual. They must not be taken as absolute or definitive rulings for every individual institution or flight itinerary. For any real-life scenarios, a competent halachic authority (Rav) must be directly consulted.
I. Boundaries of Permitted Defilement
A Kohen is biblically prohibited from coming into contact with or being under the same roof (Tumas Ohel) as a human corpse. However, the Torah explicitly permits and requires a Kohen to become ritually defiled (tamei) for seven specific close relatives: his wife, father, mother, son, daughter, brother, and paternal unmarried sister. For any other individual, including grandparents, aunts, uncles, or cousins, the prohibition remains absolute.
II. Medical and Institutional Frameworks
- Hospital Layouts: Modern medical facilities can present potential complications because centralized ventilation, adjoining hallways, or contiguous ceilings may transmit Tumas Ohel through parts of the structure. A Kohen should look into whether a hospital has effective fire-doors or separate wing divisions, and coordinate with a Rav if an emergency arises.
- Hospice and Private Care: In home hospice care settings, a Kohen family member should stay mindful of the physical boundaries of the room where a patient resides to consider whether shared overhangs could pose a challenge before passing occurs.
III. Congregating Boundaries
- Funeral Homes: A Kohen should generally avoid entering the viewing room, chapel, or reception area of a funeral home if a deceased individual is present within that shared building foundation.
- Cemetery Grounds: A Kohen must maintain a physical distance of at least 4 cubits (arba amos, approx. 6-8 feet) from a gravesite. He should also avoid standing beneath the overhang of tree branches that extend over graves, as the foliage can act as a legal roof (ohel) transmitting defilement.
- The Ohel (Gravesite Structures): When visiting holy resting places or community mausoleums, a Kohen should stand outside the structural walls and remain clear of any shared canopy projections.
IV. Special Circumstances
- Commercial Airplanes: If a human corpse is being transported in the cargo hold of a commercial airplane flight, there may be halachic concerns regarding a shared ohel. Kohanim may choose to cross-reference flight cargo manifests through rabbinic agencies specializing in aviation halachah.
- Pregnancy and Children: A pregnant wife of a Kohen may enter areas containing tumah according to many authorities, as the child's status is concealed (ubbar yerech imo), but local custom varies. Young children of Kohanim should be protected by their parents from entering defiled areas, as it is a direct parental obligation to shield them (lehazhir gedolim al haktanim).
Uniform spacing maintained before the original sources section.
Appendix Authority Foundation
Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh Deah 369-374; Sefer Shomrei Kehunah; Sefer Nitei Gavriel: Laws of Kohanim.
APPENDIX B — EMERGENCY CONTACTS
Communities may customize this resource sheet locally with direct agency routing phone numbers.
| Organization / Role | Contact Details / Phone Number |
|---|---|
| Local Orthodox Rabbinate / Rav: | |
| Community Chevra Kadisha (Burial Society): | |
| Cemetery Administration Office: | |
| Chesed Committee Coordinator (Meals/Minyanim): | |
| Hatzalah Emergency Services (Where Applicable): |
APPENDIX C — GLOSSARY OF TERMS
- Aninus (אנינות): The halachic state of intense mourning from the time of death until burial.
- Aveilus (אבילות): The formal period of mourning that begins after burial.
- Bracha (ברכה): A standard formulaic benediction pronounced to acknowledge Divine providence.
- Chevra Kadisha (חברא קדישא): The traditional holy burial society responsible for guarding, washing (Taharah), and dressing the deceased in custom linen shrouds.
- Goses: A person in the final stage of life before passing.
- Keriah (קריעה): The traditional tearing of a mourner's garment performed standing upright before the burial.
- Levayah: The physical funeral procession accompanying the deceased to their burial place.
- Neshamah (נשמה): The eternal Divine spiritual soul of an individual.
- Shabbos (שבת): The weekly holy seventh day of rest where public mourning practices are legally suspended.
- Tehillim (תהילים): The book of Psalms, recited in prayer and at the deceased’s side.
- Vidui (וידוי): The confession recited before death.
APPENDIX D — ALPHABETICAL INDEX
Major Halachic Concepts (Cross-References)
- Funeral → see Levayah; Keriah; Burial; Shurah
- Kohen → see Tumah; Hospitals; Pregnancy; Air Travel; Cemetery
- Shiva → (refer to forthcoming procedural chapters)
- Shloshim → (refer to forthcoming procedural chapters)
- Yahrtzeit → (refer to forthcoming procedural chapters)
Topic Index
| Topic | Reference Page |
|---|---|
| Aninus | |
| Business during Aninus | 8 |
| Exemptions from Mitzvos | 8 |
| On Shabbos and Yom Tov | 9 |
| Air Travel (Transporting the Deceased) | 15 |
| Aveilus (Formal Mourning) | 8, 12 |
| Baruch Dayan HaEmes | 6, 10 |
| Burial | |
| Delaying Burial | 11 |
| Twenty-Minute Waiting Period | 5, 6 |
| Upright Burials | 12 |
| Cemetery | |
| Cemetery Grounds | 12, 15 |
| Part II Companion Materials (Chabad Custom Context) ... | 2 |
| Chevra Kadisha | 6, 9 |
| Children | |
| Kehunah Considerations | 15 |
| Keriah Obligations | 10 |
| Euthanasia | 5 |
| Goses | 5 |
| Hamokom Yenachem Eschem | 12 |
| Hospitals (Kehunah Considerations) | 14 |
| Kaddish (Cemetery Recitation / 11 Months) | 8, 12 |
| Keriah | 10 |
| Leather Shoes | 9, 12 |
| Levayah | 12 |
| Minyan | 6, 8 |
| Pregnancy (Kehunah Considerations) | 15 |
| Shabbos | |
| Exceptions During Aninus | 6, 9 |
| Tefillin (Rashi & Rabbeinu Tam on First Day) | 9 |
| Tumah (Kohen) | 14 |
| Vidui | 5 |
| Water | |
| Pouring Out Water | 6 |